Letting Go with Love: Supporting Children Through New Beginnings
Being a parent is a rollercoaster ride full of learning how to deal with the seemingly illogical emotions of a not yet fully formed brain smushed into the form of small human you adore. Many times you will be able to circumnavigate breakdowns and difficulties but if you are a working parent who needs to leave the home and place your child in the care of another, here are some things to keep in mind.
Once you have found a nursery, preschool, center, or caregiver that is licensed, trained and trusted the most difficult part looms before you, the first day. As an adult you must acknowledge this stepping stone towards independence for your child and reflect on your contribution towards making this transition from the known family home life to a communal life a smooth one. Your efforts to stay calm, to trust your child and their environment will plant the seeds of independence which will sow your child’s self-esteem.
The most important part of the first day happens the night before, maybe even a few nights before, the first day. Making sure that you are telling your child some short, true stories about school can help them acclimate to a new environment. Include details about how your drop off will go eg: “Mommy will drop you off at the front door and give you a kiss and hug. Your guide will great you and shake your hand (you can practice this at home). You will go inside, an adult will help you find your cubby and put away your things, then you will wash your hands. Daddy will pick you up after lunch.” These small facts are second nature to us, but for a child life is in the details and they want to know what will happen.
The night before the first day make sure everyone is well rested, let your child pick out their clothes and place them in a location where they can be easily accessed in the morning by your child. Self-dressing is a big component of self-care. Choosing their own outfit is empowering! As classroom guides we are delighted to know a child has chosen and put on their own clothes — even when the socks don’t match and the shirt is inside out.
New Beginnings
If your child is not arriving for early care, a nutritious breakfast helps set the stage for a level-energy day. And of course the most important part…time. Give yourself extra time to get to school in the morning, to deal with any bumps that may occur on the first day, and so that you can be relaxed about the experience. Children model what they experience in their environment and often internalize adult emotions. A relaxed and confident parent can make a world of difference to a child. But even the best preparation sometimes ends in tears. Separation anxiety is normal, crying is normal and as adults we can validate a child’s emotions and feelings without allowing them to become crippled by them.
If your child cries continue to be confident in your drop off routine. Reiterate what will happen “Do you remember our story? This is when I give you a big hug and kiss. Daddy will pick you up after lunch” and allow one of the adults to help your child transition into the environment. If you feel your child needs more time to transition, you may opt step to the side of the doorway, sit down with your child and relax a moment. Take a breath because this is only the beginning of a lifetime of letting go.
